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And I needed female attention so why not pay attention to my mother. She had to hang on to my father’s arm every once in a while because the public needed to see this. If I had not been emotionally involved and had somehow just remained aloof then it would have been different.
Though I gave her emotional security, my father gave her financially security (to a point, but much more than I could) and so she had to please him for this reason also. My parents taught me to go into any other relationship and stick my noise in where it did not belong.
At around five we moved to a more isolated part of the country and had less visitors and people who “hung around”.
For about three months she was able to introduce me to her body in privacy. I would tell my mother what to wear, what to cook for supper, what to say etc.
My mother had no chance to introduce me to her body until I was around five.
My father envied his father-in-law and so with the condescending help of my mother, he tried to become like his wife’s father but rather unsuccessfully.
I call what happened with my mother incest and not rape. She did, of course, present herself to me in an attractive way but in waiting for me to make the first move she smeared me with the guilt.
There is a big debate among psychologist as to whether a man can be raped. If I had not made the first move then she would have ignored me and eventually I would have been homeless.
Again, this caused many problems with others and sometimes men would become very angry with me.
There were women, as well, who would avoid me, who knew what was in my heart. All that I have said I learned over the course of many years for at the age of eighteen I was still my mother’s slave. I am finally, in my late thirty’s, getting back to women again.
Sexually I went far beyond women, for my mother had introduced me to enough feminity for a lifetime. Life, though, teaches us many things and with the help of my God, a different kind of father than my own, I have straightened my life out. Someday I will marry and be devoted to one woman and reap the benefits of a healthy relationship.