On some unconscious level, we know this but don’t understand how to deal with it or get out of it or let go or whatever.
Here’s what really went wrong in those relationships: If we consider our so-called mistakes as varied learning experiences and choose to grow from them, then they weren’t a waste. A Short Story: When I was Kick-ass Realty Lady, I’d have potential buyer clients come in to my office for an interview before we ever viewed a single property.
We can apply this process to our list of “wants” in a mate.
Example 1: What we think we want: A man that makes a million bucks a year!
(Though there are ways to work around this, but that’s another topic.) If we know the behind our must-haves, and keep those to a maximum of five things, it’s easier to stay sane and walk away when we discover the real red flags—or not flee when we don’t see them—even if he does have a Hugh Jackman perfectly man-fluffy chest. (Or for the boy dragons: Jenny Anything’s .) This way, we won’t toss a potentially perfect-for-us mate to the curb if they messed up on something relatively unimportant, like using his thumb to push peas on his fork.Okay, so the metaphor is: We can’t hit the right target if we don’t even know what the right target is—the target being our ideal mate. We learned something valuable from every person who rejected, betrayed or hurt us (and likewise if we were the jerks in those relationships).